Chronicle of losing weight: Is it mind over method?

Over the course of three months I have gained 20lbs of the 30lbs I have lost of the course of a year and half.
This happened for some many reasons.  So lets say the stress and anxiety of life got the better of me.  Once I realized I had gained the weight back I was mad and upset with myself.  How could I do this!!  Instead of forgiving myself for dealing with my anxiety and stress the only way I know how at the time, I tried to punish myself my keeping myself on a DIET.  So instead of losing weight I kept getting frustrated.  The one day I realized I was trying to lose weight and that never worked for me. So why was I torturing myself for what I know does not work for me.  So I went make to what does.  Wanting to be healthy.  So I have lost 3lbs so far. YEAH!! But through this bump in my losing weight saga, I thought about the questions that I use as a title of this posting.  Is it really the method or the act that we use or is it how we choose the method that matters?  When I choose to lose weight by dieting I can't lose weight but when I choose to eat healthy for my own well being I do lose weight.  Both are to lose weight but one is, for me, torture and the other is way to keep me going.